Thursday, December 04, 2008

Hurt

Yesterday baby Miles passed away.
Last night...
I got home and my eyes and head hurt from crying,
my back hurt from sitting in hospital chairs,
my mind hurt from thinking heavy thoughts,
my knees hurt from praying (not literally, but you know what I mean)
but most of all my heart hurt for my brother and his sweet wife. I wish I could take this away.

Ashley and I got pregnant at the same time and come march, neither if us will have a baby to hold. That's HARD. But we will both be okay.

I took as many pictures as my battery would let me. Why oh why did I not charge my battery the night before! I love baby Miles.

here he is by his Daddy's handand here is his hand by his aunt Debbie's finger.Russ saying goodbye.Russ holding him without all the tubing. He is such a handsome baby. His nose is so defined for a baby, let alone a baby that is not fully developed. Last night I was trying to explain to William that he died and that is a concept that is really hard for him to understand. I told him that his body was still here but that his spirit was in heaven with Heavenly Father and Jesus and he said, "oh, is Heavenly Father holding him?" and I said yes and he said, "that's happy." Yes William it is. I may have told a white lie. I don't actually know that Heavenly Father is holding him. From what I understand his parents are the ones he needs to hold more right now, and I think he is.

7 comments:

Lexie said...

Debbie, we are so very sorry for the loss of baby Miles. You and your family will be in our prayers. My heart aces for those who have lost a child. I hope your brother and his wife know how special they are to have the privilege of being parents to such a literally, Perfect little boy.

Tia said...

Oh Debbie I am soo sorry, my prayers are with you and your family. My cousin has a blog that she dedicated to her twins that she lost, she writes beautifully and I know it has helped her cope with their losses. Here is the site if your sister in law wants to check it out

http://brookeplustwins.blogspot.com

search her archives for her whole story

Ashley said...

Thanks for everything you have done for us Debbie! You are awesome. Love ya

Adriana said...

:( I was so sorry to hear this... you and your family were in our prayers and they will continue to be that you may be strengthed and comforted at this time- He was beautiful!

Jeff, Chelsea & Rustin said...

My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family in this heart ache time.

Lindsey & Brett said...

What a sweet little baby. It's so sad that Ashley and Mark have to go through this, but it's such a blessing to have the Gospel and a wonderful family with them to help them through it.

Jennie Carter said...

Debbie,
Jarom just told me about baby Miles and my heart goes out to Mark and Ashley as well as the rest of your family. Our thoughts and prayers are with all of you at this time. We love you very much!

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